Motherhood is complicated.
Not only are the emotions of my three year old a rollercoaster, for example:
"Mom - Stop Talking to me."
"Mom - TALK. Talk to me!"
"Mom - look at me dance. MOM"
"STOP STARING AT ME"
"Mom, I love you."
"Mom, you are a stoopy poopy head."
"Mom, I love you."
"I don't like you mommy. Don't talk to me."
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While navigating my threenager's landmine of emotions, I'm also navigating my own...
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Me looking at my son sleeping: You are the most amazing thing in my life. An angel. I love you so much.
Also me as soon as he wakes up SCREAMING the next morning about absolutely everything: Take a deep breath. Don't yell. Don't spank your child. BE PATIENT!
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Me: I just need a break for an hour or two.
Also me 20 minutes after they leave: I miss them.
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Me: I want you to grow up and become an independent human being who is a contributing member of society.
Also me: I don't ever want you to stop needing me.
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Me: I love having a career. I love my work. I love having some time to myself each day where I can contribute, use my talents and be a part of my team.
Also me: Who is watching my kids? I'm missing out on this precious time. I'm sending you to school even though you threw up last night, it's fine - you didn't have a temperature and I have to go to work.
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Me when M starts crying in the middle of the night: I'm so tired. I just want to lay here. I'm so comfortable. I will give Tim my right boob to go feed her right now.
Me 5 minutes later: This is such a special time. Look how sweet she is. I wouldn't give this up for anything.
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Me: I only have 18 summers with you to make memories. I have to make each day count.
Also me: I'm so tired. Here is a movie to watch while I lay down for a bit.
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Me at 8:20 p.m.: I'm so proud of you for brushing your teeth, getting your PJ's on and going to the bathroom. We are totally rocking bedtime tonight!
Me at 8:30 p.m.: I love bedtime. What a special part of my day. I love reading books together. I love bedtime snuggles.
Me at 9:15 p.m.: OMG Mother****** - just GO TO BED! No more potty breaks. No more water. No more stories. No you can't get up and give daddy one more hug. No you can't turn on your table light. No I will not sing you one more song. NO TOYS TOMORROW. NO DESSERT TOMORROW. NO TV TOMORROW. GO TO BED.
Me at 9:20 p.m.: I'm sorry I lost my patience with you. I love you. You are the most precious gift in the entire world. But seriously, go to bed.
Me at 9:25 p.m.: Look at how peaceful and perfect you are sleeping. I love you so much. You are the best thing in my life.
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Motherhood is complicated.
